WANNA FEEL RECKLESS — clay

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    clay; clayfur
    clay for his deep brown fur color. fur for its simplicity.
    — warrior of riverclan
    — male, he/him, amab
    — 35 moons / ages every 28th
    ↳ penned by @foxlore
  • tall, lean chocolate tabby with a white underside and hazel eyes / toyhouse
    clay is tall and long-legged, lean and powerful in appearance. his fur is scruffy, with tufts sticking out everywhere, no matter how well he grooms it. his pelt is the color of his namesake, mostly a rich brown, with darker stripes on his face and legs that fade into near-invisibility along his back. his underside is splashed in white, and more white covers his chest and paws. his eyes are hazel, flecked with the smallest bits of gold.
    ↳ sh chocolate mack tabby with low white / carrying solid, dilute, longhair​
  • chaotic good, silverquill bard
    intelligence ●●○○○○○○○○
    confidence ●●●●●○○○○○
    charisma ●●●●●●●●●○
    creativity ●●●●●●●○○○
    wisdom ●●●●●○○○○○
    humor ●●●●●●●●●○

    (+) dependable, friendly, ambitious, hardworking (/) confident, trusting (-) reckless, irresponsible, dumb, anxious

    seemingly lacking the ability to stay focused for more than a short while, clayfur can be a difficult man to hold a conversation with. he is friendly toward his clanmates, giving each of them the benefit of the doubt in any situation. he is very honest and, by extension, trustworthy; he is an open book with nothing to hide, and he enjoys sharing conversations with others about every single thought that crosses his mind. his observational skills leave much to be desired; he frequently misses the nonverbal cues of others, and must be told things specifically in order to catch on. despite this, he is especially good at telling others what they want—or need—to hear, and he is good at talking himself out of situations.

    clayfur is well aware of his own goals in life, but he is often disappointed due to how lofty his ambitions are. he feels that he has no way to reach his goals on his own, and can become depressed when thinking about them. he wants to be seen as a hero, one who helps others, but it can cause him to become self sacrificial, throwing away any concern for his own safety or health. he is generally dimwitted, but occasionally shows a more perceptive side of himself to those he knows well.

    due to recent tensions with windclan, clayfur has become more restless, reckless, and more guarded. strangers are met with distrust and, occasionally, hostility. he believes that talking things through is always the best way to settle disputes, but often has to fight his more violent impulses. he is more anxious than ever as of late, always on edge and prepared for an ambush of some sort.

    ↳ mannerisms friendly and positive toward clanmates, begins every interaction with an open mind. gives his friends nicknames. tips his head fully sideways to express interest or confusion. always seeks out eye contact, but holds it for an uncomfortably long time. hardly ever stops moving, fidgeting, flicking his tail, etc. has pica and frequently eats things that are not considered food. has hip dysplasia (currently mild, but worse on the right side) that causes him to sit down with splayed legs.
  • maya xx reed sibling to beetlesong, icesparkle | family tree
    — mate to clearsight | parent to no one
    — uncle to lilybloom, darkpaw, fernpaw, steeppaw, iciclepaw
    — mentor to antlerpaw | previously mentored no one

    ↳ admires willowroot, buckgait, clearsight, badgerfang
    ↳ close friends with clearsight
    ↳ friends with willowroot, redpath, buckgait, houndstride, cindershade
    ↳ likes dogteeth, gillpaw, boneripple, snakeblink, skyclan, antlerpaw
    ↳ conflicted about hyacinthbreath
    ↳ dislikes emberstar, thunderclan, howlingstar
    ↳ loathes weaselclaw, sootstar, tigerfrost, pitchstar, shadowclan, windclan
  • strength ●●●●●●●●○○
    stamina ●●●●●○○○○○
    agility ●●●○○○○○○○
    hunting ●●●●●●●○○○
    swimming ●●●●●○○○○○
    climbing ●●●○○○○○○○
    constitution ●●●●●●●●●○

    bisexual; widowed, not in a good place to think about romance
    — physical health [ 90% ] | mental health [ 60% ]
    — will start fights | may flee | will not show mercy | will maim or kill
    excels at persuasion, insight, hunting, fishing (sometimes)
    poor at running, swimming, strategy, fishing (sometimes)
    sounds like a polite young man / robbie daymond as dorian storm
    smells like black cohosh (just smells kinda like a barn)
    — healing & peaceful powerplay allowed.
    — speech is #C4CEA1
  • backstory / simplified history
    clay began life in a barn alongside his siblings and their parents, as well as many other cats. the triplets wanted to explore, though, so they ventured out into the world to see what wonders it held. and what wonders did it hold! they came across an entire group of cats inhabiting the pine forest, led by a cat named rain, and when his sister ice met a nice tom named mud, well, you can see how that went. mud and ice had a kit, lily, and the siblings lived in the pine group for almost a full year.

    after a lot of tension and eventually a bloody final battle, the pine and marsh groups split into five different clans. ice announced that she would be traveling to the river territory—soon to be riverclan—with mud and lily, so clay followed, desperate not to be abandoned. he didn’t know how to swim, but he couldn’t just let his family leave him behind! so he touched it out and joined riverclan with them, eventually being renamed clayfur by their leader, cicadastar.

    clayfur thrived in riverclan despite his failures at first, eventually learning to swim and becoming great at fishing. he settled in, was assigned an apprentice, and even found love in a warrior named clearsight. they were mates long before clay became aware of it—enamored with clearsight, pining from a distance but unaware that clearsight already considered them mates. finally, the two had a conversation that cleared up their confusion, and they loved each other as mates for one month.

    when windclan attacked riverclan’s camp in retaliation for their warrior’s death, clearsight was killed. clay fell into despair, characteristic cheer falling away to leave him hollow and nigh unresponsive for days.

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ARE WE GROWING UP? tags
(or just going down?)

NEVER THOUGHT THAT I COULD FALL tags
(i guess i never really thought at all)

MAYBE IF I DUG AROUND A BIT IN THE SOIL tags
(i'd find out where all this love comes from and what it's for)

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[CENTER][FONT=GEORGIA][SIZE=4][COLOR=#C4CEA1][B]ARE WE GROWING UP?[/B][/color][/size] —[/FONT] [size=2] [url=https://tabbytales.xenforo.cloud/threads/wanna-feel-reckless-—-clay.43/][color=#CC9963]tags[/color][/url][/size]
[size=11px][COLOR=#FDF2B0]([/COLOR] ❝ [I]or just going down?[/I] ❞ [COLOR=#FDF2B0])[/COLOR][/SIZE][/CENTER]
 
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playlist

Good Luck With That (Splitstream) — Fathom All the Animals
Tongue Tied — Grouplove
Weightless — All Time Low
What’s My Age Again? — blink-182
Grow Up — Simple Plan
Hello World — JigJam
Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Century — Fall Out Boy
1985 — Bo Burnham
The Archer — Taylor Swift
Could Have Been Me — The Struts
Scrawny — Wallows
Fireflies — Owl City
Faster Car — Loving Caliber
Dream Boy — Waterparks
Take A Chance On Me — ABBA
Never Thought — Mel Bryant & the Mercy Makers
Moth Man — Dirty Bynum
Dear Maria, Count Me In — All Time Low
The Distance — CAKE
tolerate it — Taylor Swift
Let’s Hear It for the Boy — Deniece Williams
Why Oh Why — JigJam
Stupid for You — Waterparks
Participation Trophies — Madelline
Fool — Djo
Change — Djo
Ghost Stories — The Narcissist Cookbook
Sure Thing — Miguel
The Trail We Blaze — Elton John
SONG NAME — artist
 
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Did some bird flap its wings ovеr in Asia?
Did some force take you bеcause I didn't pray?
Every single thing to come has turned into ashes
'Cause it's all over, it's not meant to be
So I'll say words I don't believe

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye
You were bigger than the whole sky
You were more than just a short time
And I've got a lot to pine about
I've got a lot to live without
I'm never gonna meet
What could've been, would've been
What should've been you

There's a piece of you that's here with me
It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see
When I sleep, I dream, and it gets me by
I can make-believe that you're here tonight
That you're here tonight

If I could find you now things would get better
We could leave this town and run forever
I know somewhere, somehow we'll be together
Let your waves crash down on me and take me away

Thought we had the time, had our lives
Now you'll never get older, older
Didn't say goodbye, now I'm frozen in time
Getting colder, colder
One last word
One last moment
To ask you why you left me here behind
You said you'd grow old with me

We had plans, we had visions
Now I can't see ahead
We were one, we were golden
Forever you said

So we'll run into the open
Keep your hand inside of mine
And then when everything is over
I hope to think of this as better times
The sky got red and swollen
I guess I never see the signs
There can't be songs for every soldier
It can't be solace every time you cry

I could have told you ‘bout the long nights
How no one loves the birds that don't rise
So you can tell the heroes go hide
My sense of wonder's just a little tired

I was lost 'til I found you
Now these songs will hold and hide your name
All it was was all about you
Since that night, the moon has never seemed the same

And if only you could see yourself in my eyes
You'd see you shine, you shine
I know you'd never leave me behind
But I am lost this time
What if the love you deserve is love you never find?
I've learned in love and death, we don't decide
And if only you could see yourself in my eyes
You'd see you shine, you shine

You're gone, gone, gone away; I watched you disappear
All that's left is a ghost of you
Now we're torn, torn, torn apart; there's nothing we can do
Just let me go, we'll meet again soon
Now wait, wait, wait for me; please hang around
I'll see you when I fall asleep

It's knowing that this can't go on forever
Likely one of us will have to spend some days alone
Maybe we'll get forty years together
But one day I'll be gone
Or one day you'll be gone

Well, time has a way of throwing it all in your face
The past, she is haunted, the future is laced
Heartbreak, you know, drives a big black car
I swear I was in the back seat, just minding my own

And if I didn't know better
I'd think you were listening to me now
If I didn't know better
I'd think you were still around

What died didn't stay dead
What died didn't stay dead
You're alive, you're alive in my head

The autumn chill that wakes me up
You loved the amber skies so much
Long limbs and frozen swims
You'd always go past where our feet could touch
And I complained the whole way there
The car ride back and up the stairs
I should've asked you questions
I should've asked you how to be
Asked you to write it down for me
Should've kept every grocery store receipt
'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

No, I am not afraid to die
It's every breath that comes before
Heartache, I've heard, is part of life
And I have broken more and more

I'm going under, and this time, I fear there's no one to turn to
This all or nothing way of loving got me sleeping without you
Now, I need somebody to know, somebody to hear
Somebody to have, just to know how it feels
It's easy to say, but it's never the same
I guess I kinda like the way you help me escape

Now, the day bleeds into nightfall
And you're not here to get me through it all
I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug
I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved

And I tend to close my eyes when it hurts sometimes
I fall into your arms
I'll be safe in your sound till I come back around

And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do
If there's no you?

And they'd find us in a week
When the cattle show fear
After the insects have made their claim
After the foxes have known our taste
I'd be home with you
I'd be home with you

And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all

But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who's gonna watch you die?

I've seen dark before, but not like this
This is cold, this is empty, this is numb
The life I knew is over, the lights are out
Hello, darkness, I'm ready to succumb

I follow you around, I always have
But you've gone to a place I cannot find
This grief has a gravity, it pulls me down

Can there be a day beyond this night?
I don't know anymore what is true
I can't find my direction, I'm all alone
The only star that guided me was you
How to rise from the floor
When it's not you I'm rising for?

I won't look too far ahead
It's too much for me to take
But break it down to this next breath
This next step
This next choice is one that I can make

So I'll walk through this night
Stumbling blindly toward the light
And do the next right thing
And with the dawn, what comes then
When it's clear that everything will never be the same again?