private WOULDN’T YOU LIKE YOUR OUTCOME PREFERRED? (mirestar)

[FORESTSHADE]

Forestshade paces outside the leader's den, her paws sinking into the damp soil as rain drips steadily from the canopy above. ShadowClan's camp is quiet, the heavy clouds pressing low over the pines. The usual hustle of clan life feels distant, muted. Or maybe she’s too distracted by the churning restlessness in her chest to notice anyone else.

She isn't the type to hesitate, but this decision carries more weight than anything she's done before. For moons, she's wrestled with this feeling, and now that she's on the verge of doing something about it, there's an unfamiliar tension in her limbs. Her blind green eyes are calm, but her heartbeat pounds louder than the rain thrumming down on her pelt as she takes a deep breath and steps toward the entrance.

"Mirestar?" Her voice is steady as she calls out, though her throat feels tight. She flicks her ear, waiting for a response before entering. Inside, the scent of damp earth mingles with the familiar musk of the leader's den. The torbie feels the warmth of Mirestar's presence before she hears the low rustle of movement. It’s strange. She’s spent so much time in this den, but that was when it was Chilledstar’s. She wonders if it looks more different than it feels.

Forestshade takes a moment, standing tall (which still isn’t an impressive height) as her whiskers twitch. She's faced worse things than this - battle, loss, fear - but this feels different. There's no turning back from this conversation. This will change her life unlike anything ever has.

"I've been thinking about something for a while now," She begins, her voice steady but low, as if the topic demands a certain quietness. "And I don't think I can ignore it any longer."
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[MIRESTAR]

The drip-drop of rain offers a pleasant melody to lull them into slumber. Mirestar welcomes it; sleep comes in all sorts of troubled forms nowadays, so they take the easy ones whenever they are offered the opportunity to do so.

It is only the vague suggestion of somebody's presence that rouses them from sleep. Blearily, they remind themself that Lilacfur is not back yet, so this has to be someone else — and almost immediately, fear rides in the wake of that realization. Surely they imagine it, the way an invisible cat breathes down their neck.

A voice calls, and a stranger makes themself known... herself, rather. It's just Forestshade.

"Come in, come in," they answer quickly, rubbing sleep from their eyes and rushing to make themself more presentable. At least the beating of their heart is not audible. Or so they hope.

Forestshade's sightless, troubled gaze meets their own. She is the most experienced cat on the council; usually her presences invites tranquil, but it only serves to unnerve them now. "Is everything alright?" She answers them then, and her words scare them even further. "What is it?"
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[FORESTSHADE]

Forestshade hesitates for only a breath. The unease in their tired voice makes her pause. For a moment, she wonders if she should turn back, if the weight of her decision is something Mirestar really needs to bear right now. But no - this is too important to wait any longer, and waiting won’t change the inevitable.

She exhales slowly, ears twitching as the rain continues its steady rhythm outside. When she speaks again, her voice is measured, calm, though there's an undercurrent of resolve that hasn't wavered since she first made up her mind. "Things aren't exactly wrong," She starts, "but they're not right either."

Her tail flicks once behind her, brushing the damp earth of the den's floor as she straightens up. Despite the tightness in her throat, the lead warrior maintains her usual stoic composure. She's had this conversation in her head a hundred times, but it doesn't make it any easier now that it's happening. "I've spent my whole life in ShadowClan. I joined little older than a kit to become a clan cat. I've fought for this clan, bled for it. I've raised kits, trained apprentices, and given everything I have to make sure we stay strong. But somewhere along the way..." She falters, just for a heartbeat, and then pushes through. "I lost track of myself. I don't know who I am anymore, outside of being a ShadowClan warrior. And I feel there is more out there for me.”

Her blind green eyes settle in Mirestar’s direction as she lets her words hang in the air. She knows how this must sound - how it must feel like betrayal to a leader who's barely had time to settle into their role. "I've been thinking about leaving," She admits finally, the words heavy like stones. "Not because I don't care about ShadowClan, but because I need to figure out who I am beyond this camp. Beyond these borders. I need to know what else is out there. I don’t know if I’ll ever be satisfied if I don’t.”

The silence that follows is deafening. The torbie’s heart pounds in her chest, but she keeps her expression neutral. She doesn't expect Mirestar to understand fully, and she's prepared for whatever reaction comes next. All she knows is that she can't ignore this pull any longer. "I don't know how long I'll be gone, or if I'll come back. But I wanted to tell you myself, before I made any final decisions." She straightens, her voice firm again. "I owe ShadowClan that much. This clan taught me what I was capable of, and I owe everything to it. Even out there, I vow to be loyal to StarClan. To help ShadowClan if I ever can, if I’m ever needed.” A characteristic smirk finally catches the side of her mouth, “We are the best clan, after all.”
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