Tigerkit didn't think about her apprenticeship very much, but she she did, she had kinda always imagined ( hoped? ) that Raccoonstripe would be her mentor. Maybe it would get a bit annoying, how similar they look... but he could teach her to be the best she can be. He knows how to work with a face like hers. And he's a great warrior, maybe the best, even. And he likes her, and he lets her have the first bite... Yeah, that all made a lot of sense. And if she was his mentor, it'd mean for sure that she was his favorite. Or... or if she wasn't, she'd definitely become his favorite, right?
So, it's kind of a bummer... It's really really lame actually, that Raccoonstripe can't have another apprentice now... And it's cause of Scarletpaw. They're kin, she thinks. Tigerkit doesn't really care. She cares that it's Raccoonstripe, not that its Scarletpaw. She was gonna ask her like she'd ask any other apprentice... Tigerkit approaches her, tail set in a dejected drag. Her tail that looked like Raccoonstripe's. Couldn't that get her something good for once?
" Hi Scarletpaw, " she greets, her heart not really in it... " Do you think, um, think Flamestar made Raccoonstripe your mentor on purpose? " She doesn't really know what an "accidental" assignment would entail, but it was possible, probably. Or could Leaders never make mistakes...? She's not really sure. But... but Howlingstar wouldn't have done that, she bets. Howlingstar would've known how important it is... " Um... why? Do you know why? "
Scarletpaw stiffens when she sees Tigerkit approaching, her younger kin's dejected posture immediately catching her attention. She doesn't interact much with the kits, but she knows enough about her mentor’s daughter to recognize that something's bothering her. She tries to relax her shoulders to make herself seem more approachable.
When she finally speaks, her question takes the apprentice by surprise. She hadn't thought much about why Flamestar made Raccoonstripe her mentor - she was too busy trying to survive training under him. Her mind flashes to the intense sessions, the way Raccoonstripe pushes her harder than anyone else had before. Was it on purpose?
"Hi, Tigerkit," Scarletpaw greets her, hesitating for a moment before continuing. "I…would assume Flamestar did it on purpose.” Her whiskers twitch, dumbfounded - how in StarClan would it not be on purpose? Ugh, she doesn’t know how to talk to kits. “Maybe...maybe she thought Raccoonstripe was the best warrior to train me." She tries to keep her voice steady, but there's an undercurrent of doubt that she won’t name. She probably knows there’s no one to push the disloyalty out of her like a stern warrior. She shifts her paws awkwardly, glancing at Tigerkit's drooping tail. "Raccoonstripe's really strong, you know? Maybe...Flamestar thought he could teach me to be like him." Scarletpaw isn't sure if she believes that, but it feels like the right thing to say. More like he’ll teach me to be loyal like him…and less like Skyclaw.
A small part of her wonders if Tigerkit resents her for taking the chance to train under Raccoonstripe. Scarletpaw certainly hadn't asked for it, and she knows how difficult he can be. But looking at the she-kit’s face, so full of disappointment, she feels a pang of guilt. She clearly looks up to her father in a way Scarletpaw doesn't. She isn't sure what to say to make it better.
"Maybe, uh, you'll get to train with him one day," She offers quietly, her voice softening. "He's your father, after all. I'm sure he'll always make time for you."
Really? She had sort of really been hoping it hadn't been on purpose... Tigerkit slumps. " Aw... " There's a chance that she's wrong... Something about Scarletpaw's voice is um... funny. Like she's unsure. And now she's saying a bunch of obvious stuff... " Raccoonstripe's the best warrior to train everybody, " she tells her as if she should know this already, and she should. Of course, Tigerkit isn't sure why she'd thought she'd win a competition against, like, the entire clan. She's not even close to first place either, she bets... " Why you? " she specifically asks. Whatever it was, Tigerkit needed to do more of it.
Her gaze becomes very scrutinous, suddenly, flicking over the dark stripes of her cousin's coat. They didn't look that different... is it cause Tigerkit's not red like her? Is it cause Scarletpaw had prettier eyes than her? A prettier coat? Her frown stretches further as she notes these things. Maybe he could have more than one apprentice, she almost considers... But Tigerkit wouldn't wanna be one of Raccoonstripe's apprentices. She wants to be Raccoonstripe's apprentice.
At her words, Tigerkit sadly shakes her head. Scarletpaw didn't even know no cat has ever been so wrong about anything ever. " Nuh-uh, " she says. And she's a little mad. A little mad at how wrong Scarletpaw is. It's annoying. Raccoonstripe's apprentice should be smarter. " I jus' saw... jus' saw him yesterday. For the first time in... in... " Tigerkit stutters on her own words. Suddenly, she felt like crying. Her speech is interrupted by a hiccup. " -In a moon. Two moons. " Maybe even, like, four... " -Forever! Nd' when he came, he paid attention tuh every kit but me. " She sniffles, holding back the snot in her nostrils for another second or two.
Scarletpaw's ears flatten as Tigerkit's disappointment grows, and the apprentice feels the guilt tug at her even harder. She hadn't expected the conversation to go in this direction. Kits were so much more sensitive than she remembered being, and the way her kin’s voice wavers makes her feel uncomfortably out of her depth. She knows what it's like to feel unseen, but the last thing she wants is for Raccoonstripe's daughter to think she doesn't matter to him.
She glances away, her split-colored eyes narrowing in thought, unsure how to help. Tigerkit's words sting, and though she doesn't have the heart to admit it, part of her wonders if Raccoonstripe really wanted her as his apprentice either. Their training sessions have been nothing but harsh, full of high expectations and little praise, and maybe…maybe he sees her more as a project than a kin-bonded apprentice.
Still, seeing her cousin hurt like this - it wasn't fair. She tries to soften her voice, though her words come out awkward and hesitant. "I'm sorry. That sounds...hard. I'm sure he doesn't mean to make you feel like that." She hesitates before adding, "I don't think it's because of me. Raccoonstripe just has a lot on his mind, I guess. But he...he does care about you."He has to, She thinks, but she doesn't say it aloud.
The tortoiseshell forces herself to meet Tigerkit's bicolored gaze again. "Maybe, um, you could talk to him? Tell him how you feel? He might not even realize you're upset."
Was she making Scarletpaw sad? She watches her flattening ears, her worried face. Tigerkit feels less bad about it than she thought she would. Tigerkit's sad right now, and she's not gonna stop being sad 'cause it's making Scarletpaw sad. She should be sorry, cause it's real sad... No, Raccoonstripe probably didn't mean it on purpose, cause he's real nice and stuff... And of course she loves her, but... " I want him to care about me more. The most, even, " she admits with a whine. " I got too many siblings. I got too much kin. " She eyes Scarletpaw in a way that portrays her being part of the problem. Her and her... pretty eyes. And pretty coat. And her apprentice-ness...
Scarletpaw says she should tell him how she feels... But wouldn't he just like her even less, then? The kit pouts. " B-but I don' wanna be a crybaby, " she says. Not to Raccoonstripe, anyways. She doesn't mind crying to Scarletpaw or Howlkit or Leafhusk. He might not even realize she's upset... Maybe she should be upset. Maybe she was just supposed to accept she's the worst kit like Stormkit. But that's not fair. He's the actual worst kit, but no one treats him like it. Tigerkit would do it for everyone else, if she could, but that's her brother, so she's gotta like him and stuff...
" Scarletpaw, do you think I'm the worst kit? " Maybe, maybe she didn't... She wouldn't be talking to her right now if she was, right? And maybe if Scarletpaw likes her, she'll do something nice for her. She could get Raccoonstripe to do something, or... or Flamestar, or someone...
Scarletpaw's eyes widen at Tigerkit's blunt question, and for a moment, she doesn't know how to respond. The kit's insecurities hit her harder than she expected, reminding her all too much of her own doubts. She knows how it feels to wonder if you're not enough, to crave someone's attention and approval so desperately it hurts. Her tail flicks uneasily at the revelation.
"No, of course not," She answers firmly, though her throat feels tight. "You're not the worst kit. Not even close." She steps closer, lowering her head so that they're at eye level. "You're...you're brave for even saying how you feel. A lot of cats can't do that, and I think that's something Raccoonstripe would be proud of." The tortoiseshell pauses to search Tigerkit's eyes, trying to convey that she really means it. "I know you've got a lot of siblings. I know we have a lot of kin. But that doesn't make you any less important. It's okay to want more attention. It doesn't make you a crybaby. And if you talk to him, you don't have to cry. Just...let him know you want to spend time with him."
Scarletpaw shifts her paws, desperately hoping she’s saying the right things. "But even if you don't say anything right now, I promise you're not the worst. You're smart, and you care. That's what makes you special,” She mews, her voice softening as she tries for a small smile, hoping it might ease some of her cousin’s worries.
How can she say that like it's so obvious and so easy? Tigerkit's face furrows, unconvinced. Not even close? Who did Scarletpaw think is the worst kit then if she's not even on the list? Her cousin's face dips toward her, and Tigerkit meets her eye. She's brave, she says, but Tigerkit hasn't even fought anything. She hasn't killed any monsters or any evil ShadowClan warriors... She's brave just for talking...? " ...Really? " the question comes out small, accompanied by a tilt of her head. " But Raccoonstripe's so busy... " she mews. Surely if he wanted to spend more time with her, he would already? He probably can't even... Or... Or Scarletpaw's lying and she is the worst kit and Raccoonstripe doesn't wanna see her...
She's smart. Is it cause she can say her feelings? She does care. She does care a lot. She cares the most ever, even if dumb Stormkit is gonna say he does. It's not true at all. No one cares more about Raccoonstripe and Nightbird than her, no one at all...
Well, she'd have to make sure. She'd have to make sure no one cared more than her, she guesses... She's really not sure if she believes Scarletpaw. Would it be a bad idea to, since she's just an apprentice? But she is Raccoonstripe's apprentice... Raccoonstripe's apprentice would be smart. ...But if she's smart, then Tigerkit can't be special for being smart.
There are problems either way, really... and Scarletpaw didn't think about this, so maybe she wasn't so smart. No... she shouldn't tell Raccoonstripe, she thinks, but she's happy she can tell Scarletpaw. Scarletpaw's nicer than she looks. Maybe there are other cats like Scarletpaw. Is it cause they're kin? Or is it cause she cried? " ...You listen to me, " she observes. It makes her happy.
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