+ intelligent, empathetic, thoughtful, loyal
/ introspective, cold, quiet, withdrawn
- difficult, self-destructive, obsessive, violent
Cicadakit's mentality can be described as .... complicated, at best. Some might say it's the madness other Clans whisper that Cicadastar possesses; others might say that the fire and ice pairing of the leader and his mate could only be destructive. Cicadakit himself feels, whether it is true or not, that he is the worst of both his fathers and neither of their bests—even his name is an unfortunate reminder that he thinks himself the worst of Cicadastar. It's
also a reminder that he doesn't exactly honor the impressive legacy thrust upon him by his parentage. He does not wear the crown of the river prince either comfortably or well.
He lacks Cicadastar's innate charisma, inclined more towards Smokethroat's absence of basic social etiquette. He struggles socially, with none of the charisma he feels is required of him—tending to misunderstand or miss entirely basic social cues and mannerisms, Cicadakit struggles to understand tones and tends to over or underreact in social situations. He can come across alternately as awkward, cold, or strange—at times he can be perceived as blunt, abrasive, or difficult socially. He struggles to conform to normal social behavior, lending to the perception of him as odd at best, rude at worst thanks to his social difficulties—Cicadakit is strongly aware of this but doesn't know how to change it.
Hypocritically, he knows Smokethroat also lacks social ability but doesn't blame his father for it as he does himself—he feels he simply doesn't possess the skills his father has to make up for it. He has trouble forming close relationships or making friends and in his adult life will struggle to form genuine romantic bonds as well. Cicadakit tends to avoid eye contact; forced direct eye contact makes him intensely uncomfortable, and to offer it voluntary is a sign of comfort and trust, rarely given. The same rings true for physical touch; he has a strong adverse reaction when touched by cats he isn't close with in situations other than those necessary for Clan life, especially when not prepared for it. He often doesn't control his expression and dislikes being looked at for this reason, not liking to have a face aimed at him all the time.
Cicadakit is highly intelligent, although he doesn't perceive himself as such. He has a strong strategic mind and, in adulthood, might propose clever battle tactics others don't think of—he often has good ideas, but lacks the social skills to implement them. His memory, both visual and auditory, is incredible; he's generally able to recall things after seeing or hearing them once and tends to notice minute differences in his surroundings. Cicadakit has a surprisingly rich inner world but lacks the abilities to express this; he has a way with words and an excellent vocabulary, like Cicadastar. He has the potential to be eloquent, perhaps in another life he could captivate a Clan the way his father can, but here he lacks the social abilities to be well-spoken. He may ramble to those he's close with; tortured by intellect he cannot express.
He's quiet, bordering on silent as a kit, preferring not to speak excessively unless it is an absolute must given his lack of social skills. Cicadakit struggles to make idle conversation or small talk and tends to be a very abrupt & direct speaker, something that can make other cats uncomfortable. He does tend to be more verbal around his family and cats he's similarly comfortable with; thinking and working best in silence, he won't mesh well with cats who prefer to fill that silence and might snap at them. He tends to find silences others feel are awkward more comfortable than speaking. Cicadakit has also inherited Smokethroat's dry sense of humor and may be sarcastic, although he's more likely to keep this internal rather than say it out loud.
Unsurprisingly, he is stoic like both of his fathers, though strongly empathetic and feels things deeply but confusingly. He prefers not to either display his emotions to others or try to delve into them internally—he easily perceives and interprets the feelings and motivations of others, but still struggles to understand them in a way he can express. In actuality, he does feel emotions, both his own and those of others he perceives, so deeply he fails to present them in a way he can express to other cats. Cicadakit is often confused or disgusted by the associations his mind makes; lacking an ability to compartmentalize, he tends to let the worst of his thoughts touch everything he sees. He views this mentality as disturbing, but occasionally useful, though he wishes he didn't see things this way.
Cicadakit is, oddly, simultaneously empathetic and struggles to feel for others. A strong natural empathy allows him to understand and interpret the feelings and motives of other cats, but he struggles to know how to handle this knowledge and what to do about it. A vivid imagination means the worst things he encounters in both his own mind and others' may haunt him both sleeping and waking, the price of such an imagination paid in fear. He is strongly empathetic but often internally lacks remorse for his actions, something which he knows isn't right or normal, but not how to change. In thought, he knows how he
should behave and does have a basic understanding of what morals are, but doesn't always obey this in practice. The level of this empathy and the darkness that comes with it often depend on the circumstances he is in and those he is with—Cicadakit is surprisingly influenced by those around him, especially expert manipulators.
This has the potential to be deeply problematic if he grows close to a more manipulative cats with darker mindsets and motivations; while not inherently malevolent or power-hungry, Cicadakit carries an internal darkness within his mind. He does his best to ignore this, which is a constant struggle—his lack of mental walls means he tends to poison the better things with the worst. He will discover a somewhat disturbing taste for violence when he encounters the battlefield and may be excessive to the point of overkill when training; like Cicadastar, he will lack much actual battle skill, which he will make up for by being a rather savage fighter. He will have an odd, at best, relationship with StarClan—something that will be mostly defined by IC events, but will never be overwhelmingly good. He will be strongly loyal to RiverClan, as his fathers will raise him to be.
Like his namesake father, Cicadakit can be obsessive to the point of danger. He loves rarely but entirely, to the point of obsession, highly possessive of what he perceives as "his" despite knowing it might be wrong to see another cat as something he can possess. He tends to become obsessed with things, events, or ideas to the point that he wears himself thin thinking about—this mindset is something he frequently struggles with. He can be extremely self-destructive and often frames it as something else; he will likely fight with a wild, animalistic lack of care, and similar to Smokethroat will be reckless with his own health and life. He tends to destroy or chip away at the relationships he does manage to form and can be extremely difficult to sustain a long-term relationship with, both friendly and in adulthood romantic. He will be likely to form mutually destructive bonds with cats who may bring out the worst parts of him.
Not surprising given his parentage, Cicadakit has a violent temper which he intensely represses and refuses to admit exists. He can be irritated by those who don't immediately understand what he tries to express, but will make a strong effort to shove down angers both large and small, holding this rage internally for extended periods of time until it bursts. Often he will not express this at all until something occurs that triggers this anger to violently rise to the surface—this rarely emerges, but when it does it is extremely destructive; it will manifest in intense outbursts of both mental and physical violence, uncontrollable and directed towards both himself and others.