TAGS — [tldr; icepaw is Nervous to be here and is sitting with
@rainpaw and
@SMOKEPAW looking like she'd rather be anywhere else lol. open to being approached! she's talking about the skyclan raid if anyone wants to overhear that.]
Icepaw has never been one to question StarClan and they don't now, but nonetheless they've always struggled to understand why they had insisted upon this tradition. What good can it possibly bring? At best, it's an opportunity for WindClan to remind their neighbors of their might, to ward off any retaliation for the raid on SkyClan. At worst... well, every moon she fears the same; that this fragile-feeling peace will inevitably shatter and a new war will break out. As they approach Fourtrees, Icepaw thinks back to Sootstar's tale of the Great Battle with unease. Bloodied corpses everywhere, a battle that wouldn't have ceased until everyone had fallen without divine intervention. If StarClan stepped in once she's sure they can do it again, but what if they don't act fast enough? It had taken them too long the first time, she thinks — and then immediately regrets the disrespectful thought. Their light blue gaze drifts up to the starry, moonlit sky.
Sorry. She trusts them to do what needs to be done.
But that trust isn't enough to curb her anxiety, which has kept her away from this event for her entire life. Icepaw knew the time for her first Gathering would have to come sooner or later (she could only weasel her way out of it or let more eager apprentices volunteer first so many times), but she'd been hoping to wait at least a few more moons after the SkyClan raid. Her own memory of their enemies' faces is largely a blur by now, but the fear that
they'd recognize
her had been overwhelming for a time; she'd managed to sneak into the medicine den and snag some of their precious herbs, after all. The pride that she always feels at home over her achievement is quick to waver here as anxiety settles over them like a heavy blanket, though they do their best to conceal it as Sunstride addresses the WindClan patrol. She listens attentively and then gives a firm nod.
Learn what you can. She's always been an observer; this feels doable. Maybe she, Rainpaw, and Smokepaw can just sit in a corner and cat-watch; in no way does she have any desire to mingle, nor does she want to draw SkyClan's attention to herself. Not like Firepaw, who she watches as the dark-furred molly eagerly splits away from the group. Icepaw can so easily imagine her going against Sunstride's command and antagonizing the first SkyClanner she can find, a thought that fills her both with mild satisfaction and unease.
How did I let them talk me into coming? she wonders dejectedly as she walks alongside her sister and friend.
I wish I was home. Her furrowed brow, twitching tail tip, and very lightly bristling fur betray her nerves as she and her friend start padding through the clearing. It's so loud and cramped here, with so many clashing scents, full of
way more cats than she's ever seen in one place. How could anyone prefer being here to the comfort of their own territories? It's overwhelming. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest, its pace steadily rising as they picture everything devolving into bloodthirsty chaos. They swallow thickly and take a seat. At least it's dark out; having to deal with the blinding sun would just add another layer of discomfort to everything.
Though she'd made a personal vow to keep entirely to herself (aside from interacting with her own clanmates, of course), wide eyes glance around with timid curiosity at the sea of felines. Everyone's so huge compared to the majority of her own clanmates! She feels like a kit next to some of them. Shuffling their paws, they look upward at the Great Rock. It's hard to see the deputies from where they sit toward the back of the clearing, but the top of the boulder is more than visible. It's strange seeing Badgermoon up there instead of Sootstar, and though her leader's absence is just another factor of her insecurity, she trusts the bicolor tom to effectively fill in; he's a warm cat who carries himself well. As expected, the surrounding leaders are unfamiliar—
Wait. She does a double take, eyes ultimately locking on a curly-furred, grayscale tomcat as memories come crashing back to her.
Is that...? Bristling, she looks to her companions beside her and gestures up at Cicadastar (though she doesn't know his name) with a jerk of her head.
"I think he attacked me in SkyClan's camp." They sound alarmed. After a moment, it occurs to them that the gesture was in no way specific.
"The black and white tom."